There's thisidea going around that black girls should all drop their weaves and relaxersand start rocking afros. When you Google "black girl natural hair"19.5 out of the first twenty imageresults are fros of some sort.  

Here's the thing, though: all black hair is not thesame! And what I found out, the hard way, is that I will almost never wear afro. 

I have hadnatural hair for pretty much all of my 20-*mumbles off intoincomprehension* years of life. However, much of that was spent in some sort ofkinky twist extensions, braid extensions, cornrow extensions, or whatever.Basically, I rarely handled my own hair without some added -sion. 

My first forayinto rocking my own, extension-free hair long-term was when I was 22. Needlessto say, that was also the first year I applied a relaxer. There I was, thinkingI was all cute with my fros and wash-and-gos and twist-outs. But everytime I would visit the salon, they would chop and chop and chop away my ends.My hair always neededthe trims due to fraying and breakage. My inability to retain length wasfrustrating.

Because Iprefer the low-maintenance route, my go-to style was a wash-and-go. I didn'tmind that my hair would shrink into the tiniest fro, having people thinking Iwas a rejected (male) member of the Jackson 5. I loved the low maintenance. Butthe detangling process after wearing my hair out all the time left me with gobsof hair either in my hands or chopped off by my stylist'sscissors. Frustration led to relaxation, yet relaxers also proved to bedamaging.

After a coupleof years relaxing my hair, breakage from the chemicals, and no real solution,my second journey into natural hair came by accident. 

I began weaving my hairwhen I started training at my dance studio and acting more consistently. Ineeded something easy and cute that could quickly take me from sweaty danceclasses to auditions. But while I was considering the transition from relaxedback again to natural hair, I took too much time off in between relaxers andthe choice was made for me. 

After being unearthed from a weave and enjoying afresh wash, my hair became a tangled, locked mess. I had no choice but to chopoff my hair and whittle it down to a two-inch fro. I decided then that I would gonatural for real for real. 

To ease meinto this process, I've done a combination of weaves and wigs to allow my hairto grow. Two years since that first big chop, and I have learned a ton about myhair. I have also seen it grow longer than it ever has. And one thing Ilearned, which I realized only after my first natural hair experiment, was thatI cannot wear afros if I want my hair to be healthy and retain length. 

In the naturalhair community, we call styles like afros and twist- outs "free hair"because it's not braided down, or pinned--it's just out. An afro, unlikewhat some may tell you, does not, in fact, just grow out of every black person'sscalp. What grows out of my scalp is a ton of intensely coiled hair thatbasically wraps around its own self-destructive ass.  

To achieve theluscious fros my hair sees on Google (it really does see, it has a life ofits own) it has to be picked out. To maintain it, you have to keep picking itout, as black hair tends to be susceptible to humidity. But my hair isn't justsusceptible--it down right begs for humidity, the little slore (not slut-shaming, you guys, I love my hair's loose ways). 

So I would have to keep a combon me and constantly pick or tease when my hair was "free." But combsare bad for my hair type and should only be used sparingly. Constant pickingleads to constant breakage, no matter how many products you slab on the hair. 

Ilooove how fros look, and I'm downright envious of girls who can rock their ownso carelessly because it just naturally forms that way after a wash. But itain't for me. And if I really left my hair un-manipulated it would becomeone solid dreadlock. I mean yeah, it'd be a cool story to have one impenetrablemass of locked hair--I might even get a TLC reality special--but it'd get heavyand like, be gross. 

So I have to keepmy hair stretched. This is what has worked for me and is the key forpractically every other super-coily haired girl I've seen on the interwebs. 

Super-coilyhair is cool because it’s versatile. It looks much shorter than it actually is,and my hair stretches for daayyss. But because it’s so coily, it is verysusceptible to tangling and knotting. 

So instead offorcing my way into the free-flowing afro club, I've found four simple ways ofstyling my hair that allows for very little manipulation, keeps my hairstretched, and thereby limits tangles and knots:

TWISTS

Pros: Veryversatile; easy to create and style.

Cons: Can leadto breakage at the ends, so not the ideal stretched style for me. 

I wore twists,and the next two styles, on an epic two-week adventure to celebrate my mom’sbirthday on a road/train trip along the West Coast from Vancouver down to Cabo.I deliberately used this opportunity to challenge myself to style my own hairwithout heat or weave, and to see what would work best, so this is also greatvacation hair!

Because myhair is thin, I curled my hair overnight with plastic rollers and pinned itunder into a bob to create volume. Neither the twisting nor rolling has to bevery exact. I twisted mirrorless on the car leg of our road trip and rolled inan Amtrak bunkbed and woke up to this. 

I like twists,but they ultimately wouldn't be the best style for me. Because I'm a busybody, Iwas constantly doing and undoing my twists. The ends of my hair and nape of myneck, which are both of fine density, were the proof: my hair was knotting andbreaking off at the ends thus defeating the purpose of a protectivestyle. People with denser, more coarse hair, however would likely benefitmore from twists.

After toyingwith my hair, and in a simple eureka moment, I happened upon... 

BUNS

Pros: Easy aspie to style; doesn't require a lot of handling or maintenance; the lowmanipulation leads to growth.

More Info

Cons: Notversatile; can pull at the hair and lead to breakage where you tie the bun(unless you use a hair bungee, and boy do I have a love story awaiting for youfor the glory that is the hair bungee).

I found bunsto be the winner on the very last day of my two week self-imposed, rewardless,everyday protective style challenge. Instead of a high bun, I pull my hair backinto its less fabulous sister, the low bun. My edges at the front of my hairneed TLC (no scrubs), and pulling my hair up also pulls my edges, and it's tootaxing for an every day style. 

A low bun, however, lets me just pin the frontedges of my hair (which is the shortest part of my hair) to the side, leavingmy edges in tact. I just make a middle part, and tie my hair low to form anafro puff. From there, I just pin the hair under to make a bun or I part thepuff, make one twist, and pin the twist under. 

The most protective is doing thelatter, as the bun stays stretched in the event of humidity. Because it's alltied up, I'm not inclined to play with it as I would with twists. 

CURL-DEFINING TREATMENTS

Pros: Keepsnatural hair smooth and practically frizz-free when your natural hair isflat-ironed.

Cons: Requiresheat; may be cost-prohibitive.

When Itell you my hair does not like to be manipulated, it does not likea-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. It can revert from being flat-ironed in two seconds flat (it'shappened). It throws combs back at me. It spits out my brushes. I mean, I'm 83%sure my hair gave me the finger after detangling it, no lie. (OK, 83% of thetime people say no lie, it is actually a lie)

I was surfingthe web for hours for random hair advice (y'all don't do this?), and Ifound out about something called the Nanosmoothingtreatment,which is designed for girls with naturally coily hair. I like to occasionallystraighten my hair, particularly when I want a trim and to see exactly what isthe state of my hair, but it is very, very difficult to find a stylist who canmake my press last. Not because of the stylists, necessarily. My hair issimply highly porous and of fine to medium-fine density, so it does not like tobe messed with and responds with fits of breakage when it is. I am also anatural-born skeptic. 

So, I dug high and low for reviews of the Nanosmoothingtreatment on other black hair blogs, and ultimately took the plunge after abouttwo months of research.

Unlikerelaxers or texturizers, it isn't permanent and it wears off over time. Andunlike treatments that wear off, like Brazilian keratin, it didn't requirechemicals like formaldehyde, nor does it significantly change your hair texture.Rather, it uses an amino acid, cystine, which is an organic compound. 

So whilemy hair wasn’t drastically different (which I didn’t want because I want mynatural hair to remain natural and coily) I noticed my hair was very slightly, but noticeably, more loose. Itfunctioned more as a semi-permanent detangler. On top of that, it keptfrizziness to a minimum when I flat-ironed my hair. 

I seriously could notbelieve that a press that would normally last two seconds (literally) was lastingme two weeks after a) being wrapped up in a wig for a day b) a weekend of Atlantabachelorette weekend partying, c) enduring New York's spring showers/humidityand d) several ballet classes (yeah, that was an eventful two weeks). 

Iwill definitely use this again. However, I only sparingly use heat, and thetreatment requires heat to "lock-in" every 8-10 weeks. For those heataverse ladies like myself, I suggest just doing it for those times you plan to flat-iron your hair. 

The treatment can run up to $175. This may be costly, but it isa solid staple for my long-term hair regimen.

SEW-IN WEAVES

Pros: Versatile,super low manipulation leads to best length retention; it's like a blanket inthe winter keeping this scalp warm- think a semi-permanent snuggie y'all!

Cons: Qualityhair is costly; can be bothersome for new weave wearers; you might getdependent on your weave hook up and can be tough to master on your own.

Now some of usare either a) too busy or lazy to consistently style our hair in buns andtwists or b) don't want to use heat and know that manipulation of any kind canhave detrimental effects on our hair but like to wear hair color and experimentwith different styles or c) all of the above (*chorus of Price-is-Right style yelling ensues "pick C! C! C! A! B! Ceee!!!!"*) Welp, C it is. 

The solution for you my friends is my buddy called the sew-in weave. WELCOME TO MY WORLD.

There are awide variety of weaving methods, but the sew in is the best protective style:little of your own hair is out (just enough to cover the tracks at the top ofyour head) and your natural hair is cornrowed (hence stretched) under wefts ofweaved hair.  

The absolutekey is to get hair that looks like your natural hair so that you don't have toheat style your leave out. Keeping myhair weaved has helped me retain length more than anything else I've done. Iam weaning myself from full time weave wearing, but the results have been toogood to dismiss them altogether even when I reach certain hair length goals.

I am probablygoing to blow a few people's minds because they thought the fro-ish hair I'vebeen rocking was all God-given (well, it wasgiven to somebody). I'm just an avid researcher--OK, maybe obsessive, and YouTubeand hair forums have taught me a great deal about vendors that sell theright texture and DIY weaving. Good hair prompts even professionalweaveologists to ask you how you got your hair to grow. Shh! It’s our secret.

It wasdefinitely a learning curve since I was spoiled by my homegirl in Atlanta who chargedme next to nothing to weave my hair while keeping it laaiid. But I moved and was momentarily lost and confused. I imagineit's like having that one weed man who provides both quality and decent pricesand then suddenly losing him. I guess the difference is you could actually hangout with your weave hook-up (cause she's probably your friend in real life) andnot feel weird or guilty about it. I mean, I wouldn't know since I don't smoke,so maybe hanging out with your weed man is a thing. And while you have a normaljob, your weed hook-up lives like a hippie, but then ish gets real when youwitness a crime together, leading you into crazy hijinks while an MIA song playsin the background of your lives--“Paper Planes” perhaps. And then y'all fight,but then hug it out and then star in movies playing different versions of yourselves. 

Yeah, no, wouldn't work. 

Well, since Imoved and my homegirl wasn't around to do my hair, Black Hair Media Forum, anextremely popular haircare message board, was a godsend. I eventually learnedhow to create my own wigs and how to sew weaves. The chicks on there literallyhave threads dedicated to exchanging pictures of afro-textured weaves andreviewing hair vendors (yeah, I started a thread myself, whatever). 

The highestcompliment on those threads is insisting that someone's weave is indeed growingout of that someone's scalp because it looks way too realistic. And that ladyon TV who said women don't buy afro weaves? Yeah, she has no idea what she'stalking about. There are wide varieties of afro-textured weaves that are pre-made and get sold out quickly. When you get real fancy, you have your ownvendor that can source and customize it for you. 

The downsideis that quality hair is very expensive. Maintain your investment as much aspossible by sealing your wefts and limiting the extent to which you manipulateit. Basically, treat it like your own natural hair. 

Further,afro-textured weaves will undoubtedly shed and tangle more, but some vendorsare worse than others, so research carefully. For this frugal chick, this is theone area of my beauty process in which I will cough up the money. Whatever cansimplify my hair regimen, maintain my hair's health, and retain my length is aworthwhile investment. 

With all ofthis, I stress that embracing and styling your natural hair is a very individualjourney. Afro-textured hair varies sooo widely depending on its porosity, density,and curl pattern. It really is a science--you have to experiment and find outwhat works for you! 

So while these tips have been life-savers (OK, they justsaved my hair, but totes the same thing!), try different options. But don'tgive up. And for Colored Girls Who've Considered Permicide When The FroWasn't Enough, lay down your burden of Mizani Butter Blends. I was onlytempted, once, in my two-year journey to apply a relaxer, but I will never go back to them. 

And so what ifthe New York Times, like everyone everywhere all the time, thinks afros aresooo cool? I mean I do, too, and they are practically the epitome of naturalhair. But they don't work for me, son. 

And then other people are all "Whydo you have to wear a weave and not a fro?!!" since they know allllabout black hair after seeing that Chris Rock documentary that one time. Butguess what: they do not know your struggle! But I got you, sis, and so does she.