Do you know what straightened hair does in Texas? Stops existing.
It's kind of like if you've ever dipped cotton candy in a hot tub. Or tried to reheat some tomato bisque and it got too hot and puffed up all weird disfigured around the edges. More like the soup than the cotton candy for the hair analogy and, yeah, there's no hiding the fact that I have the munchies. (I'd also like to thank Grenco Science for the pen.)
So, volume has kind of been my thing since I stopped being a UV-brain-fried teenager who straightened her hair every day despite its almost biblical resurrection immediately upon leaving an air-conditioned room. **But I used a speshall edishun gold Chiiiii-uh. And I spa-rayed thermuhl heat protectant on iiit!** OMG SHUT UP TEENAGE ME WHO INVITED YOU TO THIS PARTY? Get back in your Jetta and try not to do something stupid like get a vagina tattoo.
I've been a champion for velcro rollers since the age of 18. They were one of the mysterious beauty implements that my mom kept under her bathroom counter growing up, and when I finally figured out how to use them, Green Onions started playing out of nowhere and I suddenly developed that smug side-smile sprinkled with a generous helping of raised right brow that I do whenever some scrub checks me out.
Seriously, I know my way around velcro rollers. Olga, bb, let's talk next time you need to do your hair.
My wavy ass is into all sorts of curl; the grass is always greener, knowutimean? This is still my favorite way to wear my hair, and if I knew a permanent way to make it happen, I'd do it yesterday:
So when I'm not curling my hair or writing, I'm reading about some other chick who curled her hair and wrote about it. Enter: Jane Alridge, of Sea of Shoes. She's a fellow Texas babe, and her hair game is on padlock. So when she recommended Caruso Steam Rollers, I was all, "OMG I wanna try!"
They're old school, just like the illustrations in the instructions of TOTALLY SEXY WOMEN. Like, I probably wouldn't have gone through my awkward Richie/Lohan phase if I grew up with these bitches in my coloring books. They're beautiful Xanadu-style, eyeshadow-to-the-brow-bone ladies with the most fabulous hair. In fact, the Caruso styling manual is kind of making me feel terrible about myself.
Regardless, I had to experiment. Let's reiterate: experiment. This was my first time using these bad guys, fresh out the twist-tie packaging. Next time, I'm using lots of smaller curlers for tinier tendrils and bigger volume, and airbrushing my name on a baby tee.
I should mention that one of the greatest things about these curlers is that they're almost no-heat. You're using steam to set the curl, rather than applying hot, hot heat directly to your hair. It doesn't burn to touch the curlers after they're steamed if you're heating them correctly, and I can't imagine that they'd be hot enough to harm your hair. It's basically as hot as a hot, steamy shower. So, pretty neat.
You just plug in the steam machine after filling it with water, and it starts releasing steam pretty quickly out of the spout. Section out the piece of hair you want to curl, and after it's ready, place the curler on the steamer for a few seconds. I thought I'd overachieve and leave the curler to steam on while I sectioned and combed my hair--up to, like, 10 to 15 seconds--but this made the curler way too wet and prolonged drying time. Five to eight seconds is what you should shoot for.
So I started off following one of the illustrations, with one row of curlers going parallel to my eyebrows straight down the back of my head, mohawk-style. I varied curler sizes, the bigger ones give more of a wave than a curl. The curler clips, or covers, or whatever, REALLY kept them in place. Next time, I won't steam those, as instructed in the manual, because I think it added even more drying time, which I had already screwed up.
The rest of the head I kind of just did whatever as long as it resulted in my hair being in some sort of curler situation, rather than go directly off the illustration. Because I'm a petulant child like that.
I let them set for about an hour, although if you did everything according to the books and probably if you have shorter hair, you'd have your hair set in about half an hour or less.
When I took them out, they were pretty spiral-y, which wouldn't do. I enjoy fluff and even a little frizz if it's coming correct.
I flipped my head and brushed through with my little baby Mason Pearson brush, and formed my bangs into some sort of presentable-ish side part and threw in a couple of barrettes like I GAF. I wish I hadn't applied this styling mousse that said it was cool to use on dry hair before rolling in the curlers- this stuff weighed my hair down and made it super sticky--thus less fluff than I would have liked.
Then I finished everything off with blowPro's hairspray after a bunch of you nice commenters raved about how great the rest of their line was in my last CUTE COUPLE ALERT post. Not sticky, not crunchy, had great hold. Another win for blowPro!
And so, yeah! I feel kind of glam-bitchy in this "look." Like, "Yeah, so what, I wore this semi-slutty dress and did full hair and makeup? I'm not, like, trying to impress any dudes or whatever. Carry on, clowns." And then drinking piña coladas whilst adjusting my sideboob throughout the night.