I hardly ever write an article in which I don’t mention myman. It’s obnoxious, I KNOW, and even he has pointed it out to me. But y’all, Ijust can’t help it. We live together, and he’s a big part of my life, and I’m agushy relationship monster who still gets excited about how in love I am.
He’s great, and when I’m not forcing him to make out withme, I’m forcing him to help me take photos for these articles or tell mehow pretty I look. I also like to force beauty products on him because science.
Dude’s got oily skin and fine hair. (Also, a fine ass, butmore on that another time.) When I moved in, he wasn’t even washing his faceand bozo was using baking soda as shampoo.
Now, I’m all about being minimal (orcheap) but sometimes you gotta put a little work into something to getsomething out of it, right? So I’ll front the $6 for shampoo if it makes myhair feel better. Baking soda every now and then is fine. But every time? Nah,I’m not about that life.
So as we celebrate our one-year anniversary of livingtogether, let’s look back at all the beauty products I’ve forced on myboyfriend and how he took to them.
Face Wash and Moisturizer
Like I said, Ryder wasn’t even washing his face. I mean, Ithink sometimes he splashed water on it? When I moved in, I was mad unemployedand just sitting at home all day, so I had a lot of time to plot and scheme and forcesome skincare habits on him. Also, we kiss a lot, and that means if his face hasoils on it, they’re gonna get on my face!
Clean & Clear
Essentials Foaming Facial Cleanser$5.99
First, I got him some Clean & Clear Essentials FoamingFacial Cleanser. He was into this stuff. Even if you’re not washing off makeup,it’s important to cleanse your face and get rid of all the grime thataccumulates throughout the day from our gross world. Also, he spends a lot oftime with his face pushed up against mine, so he probably does end up with somemakeup on it. Sorry, boo.
Official Boyfriend Review: “It’s good. It makes my faceclean. I like that it has a pump because that makes it easy to use. You can useit with your hands, or a washcloth, or that thingy.”
More on that “thingy” later.
I saw a definite improvement in his skin after using thisfor a while. His skin is brighter and clearer, and softer to touch.
Clean & Clear
Oil-Free Dual Action Moisturizer$6.59
I also hooked him up with some Clean & Clear Dual ActionMoisturizer (Oil Free). He was like, “Do I need this?” and I was like, “Yeah,” andthat’s that.
Official Boyfriend Review: “I like it.”
I will say this moisturizer is lightweight and does providegood moisture without overwhelming oily faces. However, I have tried to use ita few times and it does NOTHING for my already dry skin and has actually mademy skin breakout, which is why you shouldn’t use anything made for zits if youdon’t have zits. Duh.
A couple months after he started using that face wash, Idragged him to The Body Shop with me because I wanted to try their CamomileSumptuous Cleansing Butter (which I clearly love). Ryder was all “Ugh” and “C’mon” like he is every time I drag him to the mall, but then HE always makes me spend, like, an hour in Express because he likestheir pants or something.
Anyway, we’re in The Body Shop and he’s wandering aroundmaking jokes about lady products and I’m covering the back of my hand withlipstick when he comes over with this bottle of face wash and is all puppy-eyedand asks “Will you buy this for me?” He’s lucky I’m filthy rich. (JK, but he is lucky I love buying things.)
The Body Shop
Tea Tree Skin Clearing Facial Wash$11.00
It was The Body Shop Tea Tree Skin Clearing Facial Wash.Apparently, a Body Shop employee told him it was good for oily, acne-prone skin, and he was sold. He uses it less often than the Clean & Clear, but says helikes it.
Official Boyfriend Review: “It’s nice because it feelstingly on my face.”
ARE YOU SOLD YET?
Tea tree oil has a strong scent. He and I both really likeit, but some people hate it. Also, apparently, it’s deadly for cats. This wassomething I should not have taught my boyfriend, because he HATES my cat and will now probably force her to lick hisface and die. JK JK PLEASE DON’T THROW RED PAINT AT MY BF, PETA.
I use his tea tree oil wash about once a week, or when I’mfeeling a bit more oily than usual. It’s pretty drying, but also very soothingand refreshing! Tingly, indeed.
Lush
Ocean Salt Face And Body Scrub$35.95
The last face wash I introduced him to was LUSH Ocean SaltFace and Body Scrub. I’m still not sure he totally understands this one. Irecently tried to explain that he can use it on his face or body and he juststared at me. I really like this stuff, and also use it from time to time.
Official Boyfriend Review: “It’s salty and scrubby. I likeit, but it’s like super-exfoliating and it may be a little too much sometimes,so be careful or it will feel like a layer of your skin has been removed.”
OK. Scrubby.
Tools
So after I got him on board the face-wash train, I was like,“You know, maybe you should use something other than your hands to wash yourface.” Again, blank stares. Dude has a double major in math and philosophy anda CFA charter, so he’s a certified genius but can’t wrap his adorable headaround half the crap I throw down. Primping ain’t easy, as you know.
“What else would I use?” he asked, and oh boy, was heexcited when I got him this present!
Sephora
Face Complexion Brush$7.00
“Use this brush!” I exclaimed, handing him Sephora’s FaceComplexion Brush in hot pink.
And because he loves me and does what I say, hebegan dutifully using the brush to wash his face.
I love these brushes because they’re gentle but they’regreat at lathering up and washing your face. (It’s important to rinse all theproduct and stuff out thoroughly after each use.) Scrub it around your face intiny circles really fast and make a small buzzing noise with your mouth andpretend you’re the kind of person who can drop $200 on a Clarisonic.
Official Boyfriend Review: “It’s sort of like a tooth brushfor your face, so that’s cool.”
Speaking of tools, I keep finding him using my blowdryer. Atfirst he said he just likes to get his hair dry quicker when he showers in themorning, but recently I got a text that let me know the real reasoning behindhis newfound heat styling.
So he gets why blowdryers are great now. I usually keep adiffuser on mine, and when I asked him if he knew what it was, he said, “Duck lips.” Sothere you go.
Hair Products
Like I said, he was using baking soda when I moved in, and then he got some other stuff from the natural food store, which I felt OK about. Since I’ve started forcing products on him, though, his curiosity haskicked in. He’ll ask about products I’m using, and he’ll try them, too. Weusually use the same shampoo and conditioner, but we have very different hairso I’ve been encouraging him to find his own. My hair is dry and coarse, whilehis hair is more oily and very fine.
So imagine my surprise when I came home to find some Bumble and bumble products chilling in our shower. I was like, “Damn, dude! Way tostep it up!”
And he was like, “Well, the girl who cuts my hair suggestedthem, so I bought them.” Big ups to the girl who cuts his hair. Sup, Christina.
I also think he likes these products because they say “Bb”on them and we are disgusting and call each other BB all day every day.
Bumble and bumble
Bb Seawood Mild Marine Shampoo$21.00
Ryder uses the Bb Seaweed Mild Marine Shampoo. It’s gotseaweed and sea salt and other sea things in it. He’s basically a mermaid now.
Official Boyfriend Review: “It’s great. I like it. What moredo you want me to say? It smells pleasant.”
I will tell you more. It keeps his hair soft and fluffy, andhelps keep it from getting flat on top and then getting stringy in his face.His hair is definitely nicer when he uses this stuff.
Bumble and bumble
Semisumo$27.00
He also got Semisumo pomade. He really liked the way itlooked in his hair when the stylist used it, but he’s still a bit unsure of howto use it himself. Every now and then he gets it right and loves it. I’mnot much help with it because I’ve never used pomade really. It smells awesome, though.
Official Boyfriend Review: “It’s tricky, and I haven’tfigured it out yet. You put it in your hair. It’s hard to tell the right amountto use, and how to best distribute it in my hair. Your hands need to be warmwhen you use it. When done right, it works well.”
And that’s the story of how I’ve managed to brainwash myboyfriend, and make him even prettier at the same time. Not that he needs to beany cuter. I’d love him no matter what. (Hi bb.) He loves me even at my grossest,which is often.